It does not matter what generation we belong to, what culture we align ourselves with: Dating is a far from an easy process. From knowing what we want from a potential partner to arranging dates and deciding whether there is chemistry, the whole thing can be, well, difficult. However, one thing that everyone can agree on is that once you have found ‘the one’, it is worth all the stress and heartbreak.
There are, of course, plenty of things that can influence our choice of partner and how we go about seeking love and relationships, and one of the most influential is our parents. In fact, how our parents handle relationships and their own views and experiences are quite often the standard we set for ourselves. We see parents in toxic relationships; we are more likely to find ourselves in toxic relationships as adults. We see our parents in a loving, solid marriage, and that is what we are likely to try and seek out for ourselves. It is especially the case if our parents get involved with matchmaking!
The attachment theory suggests that we build ourselves around our parents, in that we build an internal version of them and use this as a basis for our own sense of self. This affects how we see ourselves, and as we get older, the way we view relationships.
Our parents are usually our first experience of everything, and in our formative years, that is particularly important. If they have a cold and distant relationship, there is a distinct possibility that we will have an aversion to close affection as adults. They show us how to interact with other people and communicate. We accept that the way that they do things is the right way, without any question.
Of course, this is not a problem if we have grown up with parents in healthy, happy relationships, but that sadly is not always the case, and we need to know how to break that chain. You don’t want to waste your life with the wrong people, in relationships that are at best mediocre, at worst unhappy or abusive.
If you have come from a background where relationship choices are far from ideal, look at other people in your life in loving relationships and ask for their advice. Perhaps ask them to get involved with a bit of matchmaking and set you up with someone they think would work well for you as a partner.
While parents do have a huge influence on their children’s relationship choices, there is no reason why it has to be the end word. Allow those in positive relationships to do matchmaking and figure out what you want and need from a relationship before settling.